A 2001 story for Stuff. a British men’s magazine.
SCREW EVERYTHING!
AMAZON FETISH
Male Form of Cratolagnia
Xena? OK. But “Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling?” If you checked both boxes, friend, you have what we call an Amazon fetish. But you are not alone. G.L.O.W. was merely the glimmering tip of an iceberg, an underground network of warrior women traveling from hotel to hotel offering “private wrestling matches” to worms like yourself. Ruler of them all is Queen Adrena, godmother to Xena, GLOW luminary and lyricist for its theme, “I Eat Raw Meat.” This 6’3″ 320-pound.man-crusher now trains protégées in the art of the “knocker locker” and produces erotic videos like “Death of a Pizza Boy.”
ADULT BABIES AND DIAPER FETISH
Infantilism and Anaclitism
Feeling messy? Looking for a change? Why not join the Diaper Pail Friends? This online crib for Adult Babies (“ABs”) has helped over 15,000 hook up with others eager to have their bottoms powdered. Their merchandise page supplies AB needs like sleep-learning tapes that improve bedwetting skills. They’ll also book “sitters” or set up a play dates. Baby Tommy describes the latter: “You’re wearing your diaper around others, and it feels so comfortable. It’s like a dream come true! Some guys are dressed as baby girls. Some “babies” are sucking on their ba-bas. Everyone is having so much fun.” Everyone except you.
BALLOON FETISH
Form of Hyphephilia
If a latex catsuit is sexy, why not a latex balloon? Too big a stretch? “Balloonguy,” operator of Big Boy’s Balloons, relishes just such stretching, enjoying overinflated balloons “particularly on the underside of my genitals.” Or imagine that catsuit inflated. “Mr. Blowup” does and enjoys custom baloonwear that engulfs him in its pneumatic embrace. “Inflate123” romances not only balloons and inflatable pool toys but also enjoys daydreams of women’s breasts enlarging balloon style. Bodyinflation.org presumes you do to “Surely you’ve had thoughts about what it might be like if some famous person were to suddenly become inflated,” writes webmaster Luther Kane.
BLOOD FETISH
Vampirism
Got blood? Good, then you’re bursting with erotic potential. Rose V of the BDSM group Black Rose says the first time her dom made a small cut on her breast to release a few drops, she experienced spontaneous orgasm. While she’s not guaranteeing those, your chances of a bloody good time depend on proper hardware. She suggests disposable scalpels from veterinary suppliers (usually not nosy or too high on ketamine to care ). Lancets are safer; acupuncturists have cool little hammers studded with pins. Or ask your neighborhood goth about those sharp steel fingernail caps. Tastings, in the Anne Rice vein, are naturally very stupid unless your fluid monogamous.
CHASTITY
Enforced chastity may not seem like a turn-on to you, but then you’ve probably never really been dominated right.Welcometo the troubling world of chastity belts.in which SF bsed>? Dirk M. and Altairboy are expert.. Though most often worn for temporaryt scnes, longterm wear tips dispensed.which basically come down to logistics of hygiene. Leave the anus a ckear poop chute Male models featuer a perforated sheath and female a slim slit/ If you don’t have a bidet, then think shower. And you should probably have a hairdryer on hand to get good and dry and avoid chaffing. Hey it IS BDSM, though, isn it? Still they say “The main drawback seems to be trying to find a swimsuit that hides it effectively.” That and airports X-rays.They advises thatyou can spend anywhere from $50 for a very simple leather one to $400 or more for a top of the line high security model, which tend to be made in Eruope where all yoru medieval dungeon fantasyseis come ture. Famou s is Tollyboy Though tis’ only been “protecting your assets since 1956, based in Sheffield, England, famous for its steel and founded by the delihgtfuly named Hal Higginbottom, today run by Richard Davies who’s added custom engraving and a website featuring product evaluations from Kat, a “50 year old, very over weight, Australian woman who is secretly thrilled by the thought of enforced chastity”
DOLL FETISH
Pygmalionism
If you thought sex dolls were no more than a humiliating part of the office gift exchange, think again. Michael Smith, webmaster of AdultToyReviews.com explains, “I masturbate with fuck-me dolls sometimes as much as a dozen times in one day. I lick my doll’s pussy every morning at sun rise and snuggle and have sex while watching television.” The real queen of synthetic love is the Realdoll by Abyss Creations. Curently priced at the nearly $6000 (+$450 US shipping) they are made of solid silicon, just like real porn stars. Other assets: hinged jaw, soft silicon teeth, and nipples than can “withstand approximately 400% elongation before tearing.”
ELECTRIC FETISH
Electrophilia
For people eager to get an extra charge out of sex, the number one choice, according to sexologist Dr. Gloria Brame is “the Violet Wand, a quack medical device which doctors used, supposedly to stimulate muscles. Kinky people have found that it stimulates more than muscles,” she says. These tiny Tesla-style wands glowing with violet argon gas, emit static electricity that can tingle over sensitive areas or arc through metal piercings or handcuffs. Eclectic Electric, a major distributor of these antique devises offer a number of attachments including the mylar flogger, nerve brush and metal probe Great for Science Fairs too!
FURRIES FETISH
Form of Pseudozoophilia
Remember the Ewoks? If you had either a soft spot in your heart or hard lump in your jeans for those darling little fuckbunnies, then you may want to look into this “furry” thing. Furries love anthropomorphic animals from all sorts of movies and comics (especially dirty ones). While some are harmlessly geeky fans, many of the “lifestylers” are true fetishists. Some, the “fursuiters,” enjoy carousing in homemade animal costumes. Sometimes suits feature easy-access flaps over those all-too-human privates, which in intensely “yiffy” situations spurt “spooge.” “Spooge” is also the term for furry art depicting busty felines in latex jerking off randy little raccoons or other scenes from nature.
GIANTESS FETISH
Macrophilia/Microphilia
Aside from very disrespectful acts with the Statue of Liberty, there’s not very much a Giantess lover oversized appetite for female domination can hardly be fufilled in real life. Instead, compilation featuring clips of giant women gleaned from TV and movies are commonly exchanged between itty-bitty devotees. However, there are a few sites like Giantesszone.com, which distribute custom productions commonly beginning with plotlines “Two beautiful girls discover a shrink ray”. Giantess artist “Capp,” also creates fetish-specific illustrations with captions like: “Jance and Pam passed the tiny man between their mouths like gum, wrestling over him with their tongues.”
GUNS FETISH
Harpaxophilia
No, not the kind of crossfire that’s supposed to keep you from walking out for popcorn during action flicks. We’re talking about using a gun as a prop in a BDSM scene to “threaten and enhance dominant roleplay or perhaps using the gun as a penetration object.” Or least that’s what sex researcher and author Carol Queen is talking about. “I think fantasies involving gunplay are more common than the play itself,” she ads, “and it’s a little hard to assess how common the play is because a fair number of public SM spaces disallow gunplay.” And we thought we were prudes!
HAIR FETISH
Trichophilia
“Our entire culture has a mild hair fetish,” says sexologist Dr. Gloria Brame, pointing to our collective obsession with hairstyles and products. Now that you know you and your mom have at least one fetish in common, why not log onto together to”Hair Enthusiasts Hotline” and purchase ponytail snipped in one of the hundreds of haircutting videos available? While haircutting is striptease for some, rampant female body hair is the turn-on in Pam Winter’s e-zine Hair to Stay. Pam also hosts a pay site hairypits.com and distributes videos like Hairy Ass Amateurs, Woolly Women, and Fall Fur Collection.
LACING FETISH
Form of Stigmatophilia
This one’s kinda like the Martha Stewart does crucifixion. You’ll require needles (as in hypodermic – get ’em over the Internet) and dental floss or fishing line soaked in alcohol. After a good isopropyl rubdown you’ll don sterile gloves and begin insertions. “Needles,” says Susan J. Abel, founder of Learning 2 Exchange Power, “can be used as a design in itself by using the colored hubs or you can add to this by using beads, feathers, ribbon or whatever you can imagine.” Employing needles like cleats, you can twine your line in decorative patterns or use it to secure your sub to another victim, a cross, or festively decorated mantelpiece.
MASKS FETISH
Possible Transvestophilia with Hyphephiliac and Merinthophiliac tendencies
Sure, sex dolls may be a bit tawdry, but a living, breathing latex woman — now that’s another thing. Kerry is a latex woman, or more precisely a female masker, a man who likes women so much he’s created a full-body female suit just to look like one. Latex, he admits can be rather “hot and sweaty, but usually I’m too turned on to notice.” Eva of the Dolliseum.com prefers to look the non-human doll look, not a sex doll by any means, but not necessarily the type of doll you’d want your kid to have either. “It feels wonderful,” says Eva, “being completely encased in cloth. I must have a proclivity toward confinement.”
MUMMIFICATION FETISH
Merinthophilia
While the ancient Egyptians foolishly waited till death to begin mummification, modern bondage enthusiasts prefer mummifications in the here and now, using saran wrap, pallet wrap, or self-clinging elastic vet wrap (which comes in pretty colors). “It’s an intense form of bondage, and not for amateurs,” says Dr. Gloria Brame, referring to those who might overlook small details like breathing-holes. For a simpler approach, why not try instant mummification via the VacBed, a perforated platform housing a vaccum, which sucks thin latex sheets tightly over reclining would-be mummies?
FAT FETISH
Form of Morphophilia
Maybe you like big beautiful women with boobs to match. It starts like that, and then there’s that cholesterol slicked slope all the way from “full-figured” to can’t get out of bed because my bones will snap. But even the morbidly obese have their admirers, quite sensibly called “Fat Admirers” or “FAds,” and they are likely to subscribe to Dimensions Magazine a mix of big-is-beautiful empowerment and high calorie eye-candy, the publication reaches out to both FAs and Fs alike. They also entertain the “Feeders/Feedees” domination fantasies of forced feedings. Dimensionsmagazine.com even has a neat little interactive game where you morph a boring normal woman into Jabbette the Hut.
ORTHOPEDIC FETISH
Form of Acrotomophilia
Everyone knows about “playing doctor.” These people just specialize. Almost crossing over into mainstream artsiness thanks to City of Broken Dolls Romain Slocombe’s photographic survey of Japanese women gussied up with slings, eyepatches, and casts, there’s still lots of room for grassroots weirdness. Search the web for “Beyond Ladies in Leg Casts” a site selling videos with “slow-motion cast removal” and models in full body casts displayed on spinning dim sum tables or the “Neck Brace Appreciation Klub a down-home group of “regular folks who share a common interest in ‘recreational’ neck and back bracing.”
PLUSHIE FETISH
Plushophilia
Plushies are stuffed animals, and plushophiles are those who stuff them — in this case in ways never intended by God nor their manufacturer. Most plushophiles are male, which is fortunate, since when push comes to shove, it’s not that hard for an aroused male to transform a Teddy Bear into Teresa Bear. Online chat groups form the core of the community, support and information, such as tips on avoiding the “white fizzies” or adhesion of polyfill stuffing to the genitals. Of course, not all plushophiles penetrate or even masturbate with their plushies. Many claim to relate to their toys on a “spiritual level”.
PONYPLAY FETISH
Form of Psuedozoophilia
All little girls love ponies. Some even grow up to be ponies. Whether draft ponies, piggy-back ponies, or show ponies all trot about in a skimpy combination of equestrian tack and bondage gear. “It is expected that the breasts and buttocks of most ponies will be on display,” says Sir Guy Masterleight Bart of England’s The Other Pony Club. Crops and stable canes are also part of ponyplay. Sir Guy also trains ponyboys, human puppies, piggies, cats, and zebras. The Other Pony Club is the largest of its kind worldwide, but it’s hardly alone. Check your local yellow pages for “stables” and ask about naked ponyplay training.
PREGNANCY AND LACTATION FETISH
Cyesolagnia and Lactophilia
It seems only courteous that men should find pregnant women desirable, since they are after all responsible, but as a subject of sexual attraction, childbearing women are something of a specialty market. Still, some men just can’t get enough have therefore populated the web with sites sporting manipulated images depicting celebrities with monstrous bellies, pregnant machine-gun toting warrior women, and even tutorials for morphing your own pre-pregnancy photos. Lactation fantasies are taken to tasteless extremes in the breast pumping frenzies of Totally Tasteless Video’s “Forced to Lactate” series, while the gentle folk at Community for Adult Nursing dream of a day adults can suckle publicly without fear of recriminations.
SCATALOGICAL FETISHE
Coprophilia (feces). Urophilia (urine), Coprophagy (eating feces), Urophagy (drinking urine), (Klismaphilia (enemas)
Maybe you’ve seen one of those “special” videos which a “friend” shoves into VCR after plenty of nudging and booze. One in which people can’t find the right place to go to the bathroom and leave droppings and puddles in all sorts of exotic places like glass tables and pizza boxes. Sometimes people in these films play doctor, administering enemas of water, wine, applesauce, and even strawberry milk. Sometimes all this nasty stuff ends up in people’s mouths, which in dungeon-speak is called the “caviar and champagne” treatment. We think this sarcasm is a little extreme.
SNAKE FETISH
Ophidiophilia
The insertion of a snake into any body cavity is probably a much better way to get salmonella than sexual gratification. That’s probably one reason you don’t see much of this form of bestiality. That and our country’s laws. But there’s still the dreams. “Naga,” an artist who draws erotic pictures of snakes, says that it’s their lack of limbs that them “the ultimate bondage fantasy.” Konstricta, an author of snakey erotica expresses a slightly different obsession in this hard-to-swallow scene: “Looking down, she realised that it was having trouble opening its mouth wide enough to fit over her breasts. It swallowed again, and its powerful throat muscles rippled again, bringing her closer to orgasm.”
TRAMPLING AND CRUSH FETISH
Forms of Podophilia
“CC Dude, the Most Walked on Man in Texas” is looked up to by downtrodden foot fetishist everywhere. His exploits are documented on www.planet-trample.com. Webmaster Steve Savage explains, the Dude’s winning ways, “Moments after meeting a lady, she is walking on him, standing on him, or using him for a footstool”. Kittoes is trampler and online entrepreneur selling made-to-order videos “crush videos” featuring her feet and poor defenseless Fig Newtons and Teletubby dolls. But no bugs. In simpler times, crickets and other insects you’d indifferently squash in your own apartment would also get mashed onscreen, but when PETA and Mickey Rooney found out, they got hopping mad, so now that’s all illegal.
WET AND MESSSY FETISH
Undinisma and Defilement
Do you have a “messy friend”? Hayley, editor of the magazine Splosh!, wants you to think of her as the one you turn to “whenever you want a girl to take a pie in the face or bucket of beans in her panties.” Splosh is a UK pioneer in the arena of Wet and Messy (WAM) sex that has rather fastidiously defined some WAM subgenera. Frolicking in food predominates, but there’s also “mudlarking” (dirt + water, yes) and “wetlook” (dirt+water-dirt), and “gunge,” a catchall for pretty much anything except bodily excretions — that’s not part of this scene, though chocolate pudding may be liberally applied.